I have a right to:

I f we suffer from emotional black mail or bullying it can be useful to remember that everybody deserves respect: Below is a list of what an individual should reasonably expect:

I have the right to...

1. State my own needs and set my own priorities independent of any roles I may have in life.

2. To be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being.

3. To express my feelings.

4. To express my opinions.

5. To say Yes or No for myself.

6. To make mistakes.

7. To change my mind.

8. To say 'I don't understand.'

9. To ask for what I want.

10. To decline responsibility for other people.

11. To deal with other people without being dependant on them for approval.

This list is useful as a rule of thumb for those who suffer from others taking advantage of them.

Our Needs (Maslow)

Maslow came up with a hierarchy of needs starting with the most basic and working his way up to the nice to haves.  His point was that we can exist on very little but that is all it will be existence but to have a full life we need other things as well.  Those things though alter in their importance.  Below is his diagram:

An interesting exercise is to have a look at your life and see where the different bits of it fit in.  For example; do I have enough to eat?  The you have fulfilled one to the basic requirements of life.  The point is it gives a person a process to discover what is missing in their lives.  Once that is done the much much harder task of putting that right begins.

The following link leads to a test to see what areas of your life may need attention:

http://www.businessballs.com/maslow5quicktest.pdf

If you are wondering what Maslow's perfect person would look like here is his list.

• keen sense of reality - aware of real situations - objective judgement, rather than subjective
• see problems in terms of challenges and situations requiring solutions, rather than see problems as personal complaints or excuses
• need for privacy and comfortable being alone
• reliant on own experiences and judgement - independent - not reliant on culture and environment to form opinions and views
• not susceptible to social pressures - non-conformist
• democratic, fair and non-discriminating - embracing and enjoying all cultures, races and individual styles
• socially compassionate - possessing humanity
• accepting others as they are and not trying to change people
• comfortable with oneself - despite any unconventional tendencies
• a few close intimate friends rather than many surface relationships
• sense of humour directed at oneself or the human condition, rather than at the expense of others
• spontaneous and natural - true to oneself, rather than being how others want
• excited and interested in everything, even ordinary things
• creative, inventive and original
• seek peak experiences that leave a lasting impression

Rules for life

This section is inspired by a good friend, who, because of her upbringing had difficulties with the rules of life. Those things which we tend to pick up unconsciously from our parents, friends and school for better or worse mean we react in certain ways to life around us.  The following are just lists in which different people have tried to lay down guide lines which will help them in life.  I suppose the most famous of these would be the Ten Commandments found in the Bible (Exodus 20).  This idea has been taken and used by all sorts of people.  In the 18th Century every 'important' person would have his list to refer too, the idea has also been taken up by modern day management  guru's who use the list to maintain a persons focus on what the want from life.  Mine are below and although I continually revise them they are the basic guidelines I try to follow in my life.  The key word here being try.

The lists usually start with 'I will and usually contain 10-12 statements.

I Will...

1. Before God take responsibility for my future.  I will not seek to blame others for not falling in with my plans. Family will be the most important consideration in my decisions.

2. Be positive and encouraging to all I meet, regardless of their frame of mind.

3. Endeavour to give 100% in all I do.

4. Not be swayed to take the easy way in order to be liked.  I will be intellectually and emotionally strong.

5. Make sure I am fit enough to enjoy the things I love.

6. Find goodness in life everyday and celebrate it.

7. Learn from those much wiser than myself.  Endeavouring to learn a new skill every year.

8. I will give respect to those who deserve it and none to those who don’t.

9. Make mistakes because I am trying and learn from mistakes.

10. Endeavour not to hurt others, but when I do to seek forgiveness.

The important thing is they must be things which you want to do.  Write them everywhere so where ever you are they can always be looked at pondered upon.